Pass the Tums… I’m HAVING IT ALL!


You bet you can. Have it all.

Belly on up to the All You Can Eat, YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL Bar.

Go on. I’ll be there. Waiting for you with Tums in hand.

What does that mean ANYWAY? “Having it all?”

And before you think this just a “women’s” issue… please read on… yes, we may be discussing it more, but as my husband likes to say “If mamma ain’t happy… ain’t nobody happy.” This impacts us all. Everyone deserves to define it, no matter your gender.

There is a lot of recent buzz around the discussion of women regarding whether we really can “have it all.” From Sheryl Sandberg’s new book, Lean In to Anne Marie Slaughter’s article in The Atlantic Why Women Still Can’t Have It All, the debate has flared again and the conversation is hot.

And as I was reminded after watching The Makers on PBS this week, throughout our history there has always been a group or a person trying to represent what it should look like for women in work. BTW… if you haven’t watched this… it was amazingly well done and reminded me that it wasn’t that long ago that women didn’t have a ton of choice when it came to work. Watch here.

I think the best article in response to the debate was this one by Sarah Lacy, founder of PandoDaily:

In this corner there’s Sheryl Sandberg. In this corner there’s Anne-Marie Slaughter. And then there’s reality

The line that resonated with me most is this:

Everyone’s definition of “having it all” varies.

Damn straight, yet how often do we take someone else’s image and definition and think it must be our own?

It’s a bit like this…

I see the model for “Having it All!” She has it all figured out and man does she look satisfied. She has the house, the kids, the career, the dog, the laundry done, a planned vacation, great sex… (pan to Enjoli commercial).

Society has told me that in order to “have it all” I should follow her, do exactly as she does and wear her shoes. And if I can’t or don’t, I have FAILED.

Here is the reality… Her shoes look great. Really great. There are some aspects I think will work for me, like the supportive ankle strap or the forgiving wedge. Only problem, she’s a size 9… I’m a 7… 6 ½ on a good day with no swelling.


Wearing her shoes would make me feel:

  • Inadequate
  • Uncomfortable
  • Inauthentic
  • Unhappy
  • Sore
  • Not to mention, late to everything

I’m tired of the judgment. I’m tired of the victim voice. I’m tired of the one-size fits all when it comes to this debate.

We all have a choice and a responsibility to determine what is right for each of us. We each have our own family dynamics, financial responsibilities, and deepest desires when it comes to living our lives to the fullest and “having it all.”

For me, “having it all” means…

I get to live a peaceful life that includes laughter, love and tons of challenging thinking everyday with people that matter the most to me.

How I do that and what shoes I choose do accomplish this life in… whether I choose to have a “job” while raising children or no children or dedicate to raising children… well that’s up to me. No one else, but me.

If you haven’t sat down and given a long hard thought to what your definition of “having it all” is… stop what you are doing and do it now. Right now. This is your sacred touchstone that will always anchor you when someone tries to force his or her “having it all” shoes on you.

Once defined, put on those damn shoes. Wear them proudly and gloriously with every step you take and enjoy the perfect fit.

I’m curious, if you’re willing to share… how do you define your “having it all?”



One Comment on “Pass the Tums… I’m HAVING IT ALL!”

  1. Steve Hill says:

    Nice one!

    Misspelled by my iPhone

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