Linda, you asked:  Where it is in our brains that we assess the states of mind of others?

 Great question! Here are some thoughts. Our brains assess what others are thinking and feeling in several ways, including by paying attention to visual, auditory, and other cues.

Visual system

What we see gets sent quickly to an area in the back-middle of our brains that keeps patterns about what we know of others (it is the integrative cortex). We match what we see with past patterns of what we know about people. Are the shoulders slumped? Does the face look strained? Are they looking down or away from us? Our brains give us a super fast answer that gets sent back to the dispatch area (called the thalamus) for further processing and also to the front of the brain (our executive function area). The front is where we make conscious assessments of what is happening. This effort can take some time so we benefit from patience as our brain figures out as much as it can without our asking specific questions.

Hearing system

The hearing system can be more sensitive than our vision. It is closer and more connected to the middle of the brain, which is the area where we generate our emotions. We can listen to the person’s tone of voice (deep, high, or thin and nervous, etc.); speed; volume; and any non-verbal utterances (sighs, harrumphs, and the like). We process those sounds and compare them with existing patterns to understand what’s going on.

We can then ask ourselves: should we adjust to the other person’s mood; mirror his or her body language; or simply wait patiently with little verbal and non-verbal communication either way until the other person lets us know how he or she feels, or what’s on his or her mind.

Other systems

We have far more systems that help us decipher others’ states of mind than we realize. For starters, there are special cells in the back parts of the front brain areas called mirror neurons that “mirror” other people without our consciously knowing it. If his shoulders are slumped, our mirror neurons might cause our shoulders to slump too. Because body positions are linked to mental states we can pay attention to what our own bodies do to get a sense of what the other person might be thinking or feeling.

We can “smell” situations and “feel” them too by sensing energy fluctuations. We call these other systems intuition. It pays to know about these other systems and rely on the front-most part of our brains to help us sort them out. There are special ways to train for this that help increase our awareness including meditation, mental rehearsal, and body language management.

Asking questions

Aside from our brains’ default checks and balances, we have the luxury of asking questions. The first and best question to ask is: “Is this a good time to talk?” After obtaining initial permission to speak we do well to continue to ask for permission.

For example, if we sense something is wrong we can propose: “I may have this wrong… but did something happen that has you feeling a little off?” Or of the person is potentially in a re-energizing place, we can ask: “I have a big topic to talk about, shall we just catch up now or go ahead and talk about it?”

These additional levels of permission help us confirm where the other person’s state of mind and body are. We deserve to listen very carefully to the answers and consider “how” they are answered (what body language and tone are involved, for example).

Working with the brain

The key to all of this is to know that our brains are always looking to do the right thing. In the process they often pick up only part of the story and start filling in the gaps in ways that may not help our relationships. On their own, in other words, our brains can make significant social mistakes. Therefore, we benefit most from using our conscious ability to slow things down and help our brains make the right assessments. That way, we make the right choices about how much energy, information, and emotion to offer others.

Thanks for the opportunity to comment about the brain and social interactions.

Cheers,
Kevin Leahy
http://www.knowledgeadvocate.com

 Clients tend to come my way when they are in the midst of some pivotal change and growth; when they really need to take their business to the next level and stop behaving like a club and begin performing like a company. The “growing pains” can show up in several of different places…

 5 Sure Signs You Need an Executive Business Coach

1. You’re successful, but your “start-up adrenaline” has crashed. You’re physically exhausted and can’t imagine how it will all get done.

2. You’ve become a “seagull” leader, swooping in and out with feedback and let’s face it … it’s not helping morale.

3. You’re short-tempered, frustrated and wondering… “why can’t my team just make the decisions and get it done?”

4. You’re finding that just working harder isn’t working anymore no matter how many Venti Starbucks you have. You need to work smarter.

5. You’re wondering if stealing your child’s Ritalin is the answer to focus. It’s time to stop multi-tasking and start mindful-tasking.

 What is the cost of not addressing some of the challenges you’re having? Will you be unable to scale your business for growth? Will you be able to continue being an effective leader? Will your employees start leaving if you choose to work in the trenches? When you consider just a few of these questions, what do you think…luxury or necessity?

 When a leader realizes that he or she needs to change to make things optimal, the leaders seeks a coach to help guide them through the process. It’s not always easy to tackle this change and development in a self-guided way. As an objective coach with actual business experience, I help leaders go through this change over a manageable period of time.

 Once you’ve decided to use an executive business coach, how do you find the right one? Finding the right coach is critical to predicting success in the coaching relationship. In fact, I would advise that finding the right coach is no different to finding the right partner or new employee. Consider the following factors:

• Coach’s Business Experience: Has the coach ever been a leader of people? Been responsible for Profit and Loss? Set business strategy or a talent strategy?
• Proven Process: Does the coach have a proven process that measures for return on investment? Are there testimonials to back it up?
• Core Values Match: Does the coach fit your company’s core values? If respect and dignity are core to your business, do you know if the coach will demonstrate those?
• Coaching Competencies: Does the coach demonstrate the ability to listen and empathize, show sensitivity and hold confidentiality, have ability to work across cultures/genders, have openness to change, ability to gain and maintain trust?

 And then there’s the highly technical assessment: gut. What is your gut telling you when you meet with your potential coach? Can I have an open, trusting relationship with this person and be willing to be challenged?

 And remember… while a coach may be the guide, you will be the one putting the work into action. Make sure yours is a trusted partner that will push you, challenge you and teach you invaluable lessons about your leadership!

 Visit here to learn more about Linda’s approach to coaching.

Yeah, that was me. I admit it. And while I risked being seen by unsuspecting neighbors who may now think twice about play dates with the Hill boys, it was worth it. I felt so happy. All of my favorite songs were playing and while these artists were perfectly competent to sing on their own, I’m certain their performance was just a wee bit better with my help on Tuesday morning.

I’ve been accused before of being “that person.” You know, the person who shows up to work that is overly positive. “Good morning everyone!” And while one might think that is an admirable trait, some might tell you that it didn’t work for them.

Take my ex-coworker, now good friend, who I’ll refer to as “Gena.” When we worked together at Starbucks in Creative Services in the late 90s, I would commonly get in around 7 (hey, I’m a recovering farm girl). “Gena” would arrive around 8:30 or so, a sane time by most people’s standards. She would turn the corner heading toward our space and I can only imagine what was going through her head…

“Damn, there she is. She’s already here again. Isn’t everything so happy, Miss Happy Pants? Keep your face down… don’t make eye contact… oh wait, it’s too late… she’s… coming… towards… me. Here it comes. Brace yourself.” GOOD MORNING GENA!

Poor Gena. I never gave her a chance. I was consumed with my emotion, not taking into account that maybe it was too much for her.

This all came to mind when I was talking to someone yesterday about how as a leader, whether we are talking to a peer, a direct report or a boss, we need to “meet them where they are.” Where is that person emotionally? How are they feeling? And if someone is really stressed, how being overly positive can actually make things worse. It can also be equally bad if the person is overly positive and so are you and you about to embark on some critical thinking. Think you might have some blind spots?

Next time you meet someone, take a minute to calculate where that person is emotionally on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being miserable, 10 being jubilant. What are you about to do and where do you need him or her to be? As a leader, how can use your emotional knowledge to lead someone to a productive place, not force him or her there with a GOOD MORNING!

This morning, however, I’ll be cranking to 11 because I’m meeting with Kevin Leahy, the brain trainer, who is well over 15 on the scale of positivity at ALL TIMES. We’re meeting for coffee at 8 am (although he suggested 7… Love that guy!) for a little brainstorming about the brain, a perfect reason to be overly positive.

Have a great Friday everyone!

I arrived early and took a spin around the classroom. What is going on in 1^st grade?

I happened upon a wall where they had clearly illustrated a story they had heard, I’m assuming of two friends. The outlines of the friends were made, but it was up to each child to fill in the blanks.

The first one I saw was delightful… what one would expect to see… simple happy faces, two friends joined hand in hand. Lovely.

Then, I shifted over to the right. The kid drew inside the lines, but what in the world was going on here? Who were his parents and what is going on in that household?  They must be happy, maybe reggae Rastafarians? Oh, wait, that’s my kid’s drawing.

I started to wonder how many of my clients were like my son when they were kids. Working with so many entrepreneurs, surely there was a desire to draw outside the lines. And if they couldn’t, they sure as hell were going to do everything but.

The world of business has a lot of “should’s” and “this is the way it works.” However, the last couple of years has truly challenged the “norm.” It has inspired the entrepreneurial spirit in all of us. We know there are some “basic lines” in business, but where can we innovate, do it differently, challenge the “should”?

I’m going to hang this picture in my office as a reminder that when I’m drawing inside the lines, maybe I don’t need to. Thanks for the reminder, Fin.

When was the last time you drew outside the lines?

He is a shy, unassuming leader that has pretty audacious goals when it comes to BMX biking and leadership. Pretty damn impressive with a great, understated sense of humor (http://www.treebicycleco.com/samschulte/).

Sam was in Austin last week and after some business chat, we wandered over to this exclusive BMX park… a park I was told that no one, unless you’re the real deal, gets to explore. I earned some serious “mom points” by taking my boys and my husband to watch.

Some might describe Sam as quiet, maybe even an “introvert.” As someone who is definitely not described as such, I find myself drawn to his style of leadership. I stand to learn a lot from him.

I believe Sam’s leadership style stems from this community of riders… thoughtful, curious, risk-taking, and challenging. I watched these riders take the time to visualize the course, glide through the up’s and down’s, support each other with a fall and cheer with the accomplishment. Check it out!

Thanks for the lesson in leadership Sam.

Where do you draw your leadership inspiration?  Let me know in the comment section.

Also… this week I was lucky enough to get to write for Blogher.  Check out my post, 4 Steps to Identifying Your True Calling, here if you haven’t already!  Thanks for reading!

It’s the ole case of “the cobbler has no shoes.” Well, I’m taking the time and working on my business. It’s exciting, exhilarating, overwhelming and did I say, exciting?! It is amazing to be building my business while I work as an executive coach with others on how to manage their leadership through growth. It’s provided me some incredible insight and learning.

On the plane ride out there, I was gazing out the window as we were heading toward our descent. I’ve always loved observing the clouds. It’s otherworldly. Peaceful. But, there it was. In the midst of all these pretty, airy, white clouds, there was a streak of a very dark cloud. The darkest cloud I’ve ever seen (my picture doesn’t do it justice). It was the only one.

What makes a cloud so incredibly dark, almost black? Yes, we know that it means that it might produce rain, but why is it dark? It has everything to do with how deep and densely packed the water particles are. In general, the color of a cloud depends chiefly on the cloud’s relationship to the sunlight.

Wow… that’s deep. The color of a cloud depends chiefly on the cloud’s relationship to the sunlight. Does that apply to humans as well?

As I walked into the room the next day, I found myself in a room of white clouds. “Hi! How are you?!” “How have you been?” “How is business?” and there it was, plopped down in the middle of the room. Heavy, weighted, energy draining and about to release some precipitation from the eyes. It was the dark cloud.

This woman was a mess and I wondered, what would happen if she released this negative energy. Would she become a white cloud? What could get her there?

As humans, when we see the dark cloud, our human nature provokes us to reject, walk away, maybe even judge, “What’s her deal?”

What I observed over the two days is what I would challenge all of us white cloud leaders to do. Resist the urge to walk away. Step up as a leader, reach out, listen, empathize. Build a relationship to sunlight. Allow the space for the release.

Next time you see the dark cloud, what choice will you make?  Tell me what you do when you encounter a dark cloud in the comments section below, and be sure to link me to your webpage/blog/facebook/twitter/etc!

I’m a natural brunette. I like it. I like the richness, the depth, and when I’m brunette (even with artificial help), it feels more authentic to who I am.

So, maybe that’s why it’s felt so wrong to go blonde all week. No, it wasn’t a wig or a temporary weave. I didn’t spritz lemon juice (you know you did it in the 80s!). I drank Blonde. The new Starbucks roast profile, “Blonde.” BLONDE??!?!

 BUT STARBUCKS IS A BRUNETTE LIKE ME!!! What is happening in the world?!? Come on Starbucks! First you introduced milk that wasn’t Whole Fat. Then you welcomed Frozen Drinks. I could barely accept the Instant Coffee. But, now you’re really messing with me. Blonde?!?

My husband likes it. “The ‘mouth feel’ is lighter and fresher (for all your coffee aficionados that are wondering). I don’t know. It looks like cinnamon roast and although I know intimately the painstaking extent Starbucks goes to in order to maintain coffee quality for each bean, it’s hard for me. Is it authentic Starbucks? Can Starbucks keep innovating with their core product and keep me believin’? (Insert Steve Perry background music here… Don’t Stop Believen’ Hold on to that Feeeliii –en)

It’s an interesting concept for any of us growing a business. How do we honor and preserve our core and remain authentic while trying to reach new markets or clients with new ideas? For Starbucks I believe thatt it has everything to do with the over 150,000 “partners” that work there everyday. It’s their talent. They hire and nurture the talent that allows them to do this very carefully and thoughtfully.

Partners take the core seriously and work to preserve it’s authenticity. There are those who work hard not only to nurture and maintain the quality of the bean itself, but all the partners in the stores that create the conversation around it the new idea. It’s their relationships that allow them to encourage customers to try and keep believin’. Come on, just try it.

While I’m certain I will go back and drink the darker roast, I applaud Starbucks for challenging itself and continuing to innovate.  Maybe there’s a barista out there or someone from the “coffee authority” that could convince me otherwise?

Just please bring back Sulawesi. Then, you’ll have me for life!

How do you grow and remain authentic?

Recently I talked about the power of consistency and it’s impact on reaching your goals.

There is also power in writing a goal that is “SMART”… Specific, Measurable, Actionable, Realistic and Timely. That is critical to achievement.

The other reason I mentioned for keeping up goals or resolutions is a compelling reason to change. As humans, it’s pretty simple. We are motivated by pain or pleasure and we need to think about what the gain will be if we accomplish our goal.

Have you also invested the time to write down the costs if you don’t achieve the goal and benefits when you do? What’s it worth to you? It’s this type of visualization that is often missed. If you can’t truly think through the value of achieving the goal and really see it, will you actually achieve it? You don’t have to be Einstein to know that “What you can conceive and believe, you can achieve.”

Psychologists speak frequently about the power of visualization when it comes to exercise, weight loss, etc. In fact, one interesting study discussed in Psychology Today on everyday people by Guang Yue, an exercise psychologist from Cleveland Clinic Foundation in Ohio, compared “people who went to the gym with people who carried out virtual workouts in their heads”. Dr. Yue reported that there was a 30% muscle increase in the group who went to the gym. Interestingly, the group who didn’t and only conducted mental exercises of the weight training increased muscle strength by almost half as much (13.5%)!

A SMART goal might look something like this…  I will improve my engagement and relationships by scheduling lunch twice a month off-site with a direct report and focusing on purely on connecting and how we can support one another.

Next step… why? Why not? Visualize it. Imagine what things will look like when you achieve your goal. Engage all of the senses. What are you seeing? Hearing? Feeling? For the goal above, your visualization might sound something like…

By spending more time together, my direct reports will get to know me as a person, not just “the boss.” The air of tension and straightening of backs when I enter the room will go away and instead, people will be relaxed and in the rhythm of their work. I will start to understand what motivates each person, what is important to them inside and outside of work. With a stronger relationship, there will be more effort towards making each other successful and achieving the goals. I will see higher engagement and the company will profit from this. And ultimately, I won’t be as stressed and feel confident that we’re all on this team together.

Review your goals daily, if not weekly as that helps with consistency. PLUS review your compelling reason… read your visualization along with your goal. How has visualization helped you? Let us know.

Say that ten times fast. Or at least say it once a day. Okay, maybe once a week. Commit to saying it at all.

It’s the time of year that we all reflect on what has happened in the past year and what we want in the coming. We create resolutions. We write goals. And, yet, come February, we find ourselves in the throes of guilt around those very set goals and resolutions. I think it comes down to a couple of reasons. One is consistency. The other is a compelling reason to change.

This week, I’ll speak to the first… “Hi my name is Linda. I struggle with consistency.” Growing up, I used to make fun (and she’ll tell you I did) of my sister the scientist. When we were finally “adults” and out on our own, she was very systematic and methodical about her life. She knew what she was eating, had shopped for it and knew how her entire week would play out from wake up time to bedtime. She was consistent. She planned for it. Just like you would with any experiment. You can’t just jump in with all variables and expect to have a measurable outcome. It was so different than me. I was in professional theatre, single, running around from night to night. I was having FUN. That was my measurable outcome. I wasn’t planning. How BORING, I thought (and yes, judged a bit as we do in our 20s).

Ah, how the tides have turned. I long for a week of knowing what we will eat on Wednesday. I long for several constants and limited variables. And while I have gotten much, much better at organization and planning overtime, it’s only partially in my DNA. I have to work at it. After all, you don’t come out of college with a degree in economics and a side order of fine arts without feeling the constant pull between analytical living and free lovin’ creative lifestyle. And, yet, it’s what makes me really happy and good at what I do. I mirror my clients who live this constant friction between structure and creativity… it’s the magic of entrepreneurial kinetics and innovation. As I would coach any of my clients, it’s not about becoming who you aren’t, but about becoming the best of who you can be, authentically. And, if you shifted a little to the left or a little to the right, what would be the benefit of doing that? When I do have a diet consisting of more consistency, I literally feel the benefits… less anxiety and stress, higher sense of what’s possible and downright empowerment. It’s refreshing and when I practice consistency, I’m always happy I did.

So with you as my “accountability partner,” I am committing to consistency. Check in with me. Ask me how I’m doing. My first step is the monthly meal planner that I’ve created (especially since I’m traveling three times in January!). My sister would be proud.

Check in with me and see how I’m doing. Am I managing my constants and minimizing my variables? Hmmm… maybe dropping sciences in college wasn’t such a good idea after all… To each of you, I wish you a very Happy New Year and best wishes for a consistently brilliant life!

I am constantly on the go as many entrepreneurs/wives/mommies/aunts/
sisters/daughters are. Whether I’m supporting my business or others, I find 7
minutes hard to find.

As a coach, I ask myself what I would ask a client, “Is that really true? Can
you really not find 7 minutes in a day to relax and do nothing?” And as a client
responding, I would have to say no. It isn’t true, but it’s certainly become a
bad habit… being constantly on the go until my head hits the pillow.

This was pronounced today when I was granted 7 minutes. Not because I chose
to take 7 minutes, but because that is what the box of my frozen Pad Thai said
it would take to cook it thoroughly. Three minutes stir. Three minutes take
out. Wait one minute. You would have thought I was asked to stand there an
hour if you had seen how impatient I was.

In fact, I found myself having this internal dialogue:
Linda, what’s wrong with you.? Just relax. It’s just 7 minutes.
Yeah, but maybe they just put 7 minutes, but it can really cook in less time.
Maybe I could cook it in 5.
Consider it a challenge to wait the whole 7 minutes. Wait. Relax. Breath. Enjoy
the break.
Okay…
Hmmm…
Well, what do I do with this 7 minutes? I could check my email.
Maybe I’ll call home and check in.
How about dinner? I haven’t planned anything yet.
I can’t wait for time off with my family. Wait, I haven’t planned anything.
Will we kill each other?
I’m really cold right now, I wonder if I should step outside for some sun. No,
I’ll stay inside. In or out, I can’t decide.
Is my lunch ready yet?
Really?! Seriously?! 5 ½ more minutes?!
STOP. ENJOY THE GIFT OF TIME TO DO NOTHING.

You may find my internal dialogue mildly insane or maybe even relatable. I
found that during the summer, I made a very conscious effort to get up early
and mediate or, at a minimum, take brain breaks during the day. Just like any
diet, it takes practice and conscious discipline. Since a very busy fall kicked
into gear, I lost my gift of time. And my brain suffered.

So, what’s the impact? Well, I’m a bit moody. Tired. Foggy. Did I say, tired? My
brain is giving me all the signs that I’m not getting enough oxygen.

Per Visual MD… “Your brain is your body’s single largest consumer of oxygen.
Although it represents only about 2% of your body’s weight, it utilizes about
20% of your body’s blood. If they don’t get the oxygen they require, brain cells
start to die in minutes. That’s what happens during a stroke.”

Okay, got it. My mother almost had a stroke. My grandmother and my two
aunts did; all to devastating outcomes.

So, I’m about to go spend time with my family, away from work, away from
email. I already got my early Christmas present from my husband (thanks for
the boots babe!) And now, I’m giving myself a gift. Everyday, I am scheduling
at least one section of Pad Thai Time to STOP. RELAX. BREATHE. As soon as I
finish this post, it’s going on my schedule. But first, I may indulge in another 7
minutes.

How do you maintain time to breath? What is your best advice?